


In Spite of Everything, We Will Love.

by DumbTeenBoy



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: A little bit of comfort, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Heavy Angst, Hurt Hinata Shouyou, M/M, Suga is a Good Friend, Unrequited Crush, as a treat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-15 01:27:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29676294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DumbTeenBoy/pseuds/DumbTeenBoy
Summary: Who do we live for, if not for our soulmate?Ourselves.In a world where when you touch your soulmate you see colour, Hinata is given a moment to celebrate this new world before it all comes crashing down.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou & Kageyama Tobio, Hinata Shouyou & Sugawara Koushi, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, One Sided - Relationship
Comments: 4
Kudos: 58





	In Spite of Everything, We Will Love.

Hinata Shoyo decides immediately that blue is his favourite colour. 

Blue, afterall, is the colour of gleaming oceans, his most comfortable scarf and warm, welcoming skies. 

Blue, afterall, is the colour of his soulmate's eyes, and the first thing he sees when they brush hands trying to grab the ball. 

It's the middle of their fourth practice on the Karasuno team, and Hinata realizes with a start that this right here is the first time they've touched skin to skin. It must be.

Colour only came with the touch of a soulmate, afterall.

Whatever quarrel he holds with Kageyama dissipates in an instant, as Hinata looks up to be met with a striking clear gaze, bathed in a cool tone he'd later learn held the name blue. A much too simple word to describe them, he thinks. 

He takes another moment to soak up the world around him, the same as ever and somehow simultaneously completely brand new.

It hits him, as he sees the alarmingly loud walls of the gym that he's seeing  _ colour _ which means standing beside him is his soulmate and holy shit Kageyama is-

Kageyama's glare has turned to one of confusion and something uneasy spikes through the elation in Hinata's gut. 

"Earth to Dumbass? It's  _ my  _ serve."

Hinata blinks. 

What the fuck. 

"So you're not even gonna take a minute to appreciate the colours?" He asks, eyebrows raising. He's dedicated to the game sure, but this was a matter of soulmates. He doesn't understand how Kageyama can process this, this new world and just completely move on.

Beside him, Kageyama freezes. Shoulders tense, he looks around the gym.

"What are you on about?" He's trying to sound angry, but Hinata can hear panic creep into his voice. For someone as collected as Kageyama, it stands out like ink on paper. 

The unease grows like vines, squeezing Hinata's stomach and settling around his bones. 

"What are you.."

"Uh… Guys? Everything good over there yeah?" Daichi's voice is strong as ever, Hinata's sure, but to him he sounds as though he's underwater. His eyes can't seem to fully focus either.

"Yeah… Yeah everything's fine Daichi." Kageyama takes the ball from Hinata's hands and Hinata lets him, frozen in place. 

Suddenly the colours are loud, mocking. Everything is new to him and he's confused he's not used to it and how is Kageyama acting like everything is normal-

It's a trick. It has to be. Kageyama is fucking with him, trying to wind him up. 

The thought makes Hinata turn on his heels. Watching Kageyama's back, still laced with tension, he figures okay. Two can play at that game.

Why they're playing in the first place is beyond him, but whatever. 

Practice goes about as well as expected for someone adjusting to an entirely new world perspective. Hinata misses three spikes and on one occasion lets the ball fly past him without even reacting. He's frustrated and tired and he wants to actually talk to Kageyama about what's happened instead of- what was it they were doing? Ignoring it?

_ Is it really that horrible of an idea that I'm his soulmate _ is the only thought that comes to him as Asahi does a running jump-

-and proceeds to spike the ball into Hinata's face.

He falls back with a sharp cry, hands flying to his face. When he takes them back, his hands are covered in a violent, offensive colour. There's something hauntingly pretty about it, he thinks distantly.

"Holy  _ shit _ Asahi you killed him!" Noya's shriek from the other side of the net reaches his ears as he's pulled back to reality. 

There's an onslaught of apologies from Asahi, who looks close to tears. Daichi walks up to Hinata, gently inspecting his nose and asking him various questions about pain and such. 

"Well, lucky it doesn't seem to be broken, but I think we're going to call it off here. Don't worry about clean up, Hinata, just get home safe." He says, handing Hinata an ice pack which he takes gratefully.

"Kageyama, can you walk Hinata home, make sure he gets back okay?" 

The ice pack no longer seems necessary as his blood runs cold.

"Daichi I-"

"Everything's a-ok Daichi! Sorry for worrying but I'm totally fine, see?" He jumps up and black rushes to the corners of his eyes. 

"Yeah- no, Kageyama definitely bring him home."

A beat of silence before Kageyama nods.

After getting changed slowly to delay the inevitable, he meets Kageyama outside the gym doors. He stops in his tracks to look at the sky, the sun setting and casting brilliant light over everything, bathing in a warm glow.

Kageyama clears his throat, and together with Hinata's bike they start walking.

There's something that sits in the air between them, heavy and stifling and five minutes in Hinata might go half mad if  _ something _ isn't said. 

"The sky is really beautiful now, right?"

"Yeah, I guess." 

"I mean it's always been pretty but wow tonight is something else!" 

_ Talk about it. Please, talk about it.  _

"Sure."

Hinata never would have thought talking to his soulmate would come with such difficulty. 

"I- why are you crying?" 

Oh. He hadn't really noticed. 

"I guess I'm just- frustrated?" The words leave his mouth and structure themselves like a question, unsure even in his own vulnerability. Cause that's how he feels, standing in front of his soulmate, the sun setting behind him. Just a boy in the open with nothing to protect his heart but the fragile bones surrounding it.

"And. And I'm tired." It's true. His feet feel heavy. "I'm sore.." True. His nose throbs. "And I'm sad because my soulmate can't stand the fact that he's apparently stuck with me." True. His chest feels too close to caving in. 

He looks up to meet wide eyes, Hinata hates the thrill that runs down his spine as he sees their colour once again. They're beginning to match the new sky forming above them.

"Hinata… I can't see any colours." He says carefully as Kageyama can be 

Hinata's eyes stay locked with his and for a moment, the world stops spinning.

"You're lying." He knows this isn't the case.

"Huh? What the hell? You think I'd lie about something like that?"

_ No _

He knows this is his own sick denial, fighting tooth and nail to keep his own narrative afloat.

"You have to be. It's the only way." A soulmate who lies is better than a soulmate who couldn't be his at all.

"You little shit! How dare you, what kind of person do you think I am?" Hands grab his shirt and the touch burns.

Kind, Hinata wants to say. Under everything he masks it with. He is kind and he listens and he makes Hinata feel whole.

"I think you're a fucking liar." Is what comes out of his mouth, pushing Kageyama back.

"Look- whatever happened today and whatever you think of me now, I'm sorry but you're wrong. Please, just forget it." Kageyama huffs, straightening out his jacket.

"But you  _ have  _ to be…" Hinata hates how his voice fails him, coming out in the shape of a broken whisper. He doesn't want to forget. He wants Kageyama to look up, face him and talk to him and enjoy their conversations like a soulmate should.

"Look. You're obviously uhm. Going through something. I don't think me being here is the best option." Kageyama's own voice seems to shrink, he looks to the floor and kicks a pebble as he begins to walk away. 

Rage swells so fast in his throat that when he thinks back on it later, he'll remark how frightening it had been. 

It spreads to the tips of his clenched fingers as a new round of tears blur his vision. 

Who was Kageyama to walk away here? Why did Hinata have to stay behind and pick up the pieces by himself.

Why wasn't he worth a soulmate?

"Don't just walk away- come back and talk to me!." He yells, louder than necessary probably but he can't bring himself to care.

"Go home, Hinata. I am truly sorry."

Kageyama's pity, Hinata thinks, looking up through teary eyes at the first stars breaking through the evening, is worse than his anger. 

He gets home that night and searches through the colour chart kept in his closet. 

Blue. Kageyama's eyes. The night sky.

He looks in the mirror, hair reminding him of the striking sunset sky.

Orange, he learns it's called. 

Hands grabbing his shirt. Anger and hurt he never asked for. Bathed in an orange haze.

Orange, sitting opposite from Blue on the chart.

Hinata decides that he must hate the colour orange. It only seemed to bring him the worst kind of luck, afterall.

His night is filled with google searches, first for answers, then for reasons. He wants to know why. What did he do wrong, how can he fix this. The words staring back at him say that there isn’t a reason to be searching for. Sometimes the universe is just mean. 

He can’t tell. Is it better that he’s not at fault, or worse that it was just his rotten luck?

His search eventually turns into one of learning to live with it. It’s not easy. It’s not very common and even then, the whole subject of an unrequited soulmate seems to be pretty taboo.

He finds one article, archived and sourced at the bottom of another forum, it seems to be what he’s looking for.

He stares at the title, black against white, burning into his eyes.

_ Who do we live for, if not our soulmates? Ourselves. _

Written three years ago, it explains a situation not unlike his. The last few lines, however, are what catches his attention.

“I figured, maybe, that I could love her from afar. Watch her grow and keep my distance. I am her friend, and she is my soulmate. I can live with this. Keep it to myself until I can learn to love by myself and for myself. My love will not be governed and restricted to romance. I will love with my whole heart and when she finds her soulmate I will smile and wish her a happy life. I will live, not because of my love for her, but in spite of it.”

There’s an about the author section underneath in small italic writing. Hinata hopes he lived well up until the date written by the obituary and praise. He wonders if he was happy.

Hinata takes a breath. He can do this. 

He can live, and he can love.

\-----

He doesn’t go to school the next day, so embarrassed and nervous, that his mother takes his temperature and insists he stays home. 

It’s another week until he can go to practice.

He stands now, in front of the gym doors. Grey- a colour he’s used to. Taking a deep breath, he steps inside.

He’s greeted with enthusiastic teammates full of concern. His eyes immediately land on Kageyama and they share a nod.

It’s a bit awkward, but Kageyama seems okay with ignoring the problem if Hinata is, so they do. 

They play volleyball and avoid each other.

It works, he supposes.

The team can tell there’s something not right between them, but they don’t question it too much. A new development HInata didn’t expect, was the looks he catches Suga sending him. His eyes are soft and eyebrows furrowed and Hinata doesn’t understand.

Until one day he does.

It’s after another practice. Two weeks after the fight they don’t talk about, and Hinata figures he and Kageyama are getting back into their usual groove. HInata ignores his restless heart and Kageyama pretends not to notice Hinata looking.

Today’s practice was good. Really good, actually. He managed to pull off their freak quick after weeks of losing it and they won a three v three against Daichi. He knows he should be happy.

So why can he only feel mild annoyance?

He enters the changing room, he’s late and most of the club has left. Suga is the only one who remains, pulling a hoodie over his head. 

“Oh, Hinata hey, what’s up?” 

“Hey, Suga.” He tries to sound friendly. He’s not really in the mood right now though.

There’s a beat of silence and Suga looks like he’s desperate to say something. 

Hinata really hopes he doesn’t.

“Hey, so is everything okay? With you, I mean.”

He really doesn’t want to answer. So he doesn’t. Instead. He opens his locker to get his bag out. The fabric catches on something and as though he was just waiting for something to get angry towards, he starts tugging fiercely on the bag. Stupid bag and stupid stupid soulmates and-

The bag rips in his hands. He stares at the shoes and clothes laying on the ground

“Jesus, Hinata. Here look let me help-” Suga moves to pick up everything when Hinata turns to him, he’s suddenly crying again and Suga looks taken aback.

He’s been doing that an awful lot, lately.

“I don’t-” hiccup. “Need your help. I’m fine i just want to get home and-” embarrassing. “And these shoes are such an obnoxious red who let me buy them and-”

“Wait wait, hold on,” Suga’s voice cuts through Hinata’s panic, ice among the heat. “You got your colours?”

Hinata shrugs. Suga takes his arm and sits him down.

“Tell me about them.” He says. Patient.

“I don’t really want to think about my soulmate right-”

“No, not your soulmate. Tell me about the colours.” 

He looks up, eyes wide. Suga smiles and waits. So Hinata speaks. It’s oddly vulnerable, a conversation of discovering colours was normally saved for excited soulmates, discovering that new world together.

“- and everything is so much brighter than before, and I never realized how easily I get flushed. It’s incredible but so confusing because now I have to coordinate my clothes. But it’s beautiful.” He takes a breath, and Suga places a hand on his shoulder. They're facing straight ahead, sitting side by side. Hinata turns to him, a question forming in his head.

“Why didn’t you ask me about my soulmate?”

Suga takes a second to think of his answer. 

“I know how it feels to see all your colours on your own.”

Hinata’s breath stutters in his throat.

“You- we- who?” The question tumbles out before he can recognize how insensitive he sounds. 

Suga’s eyes drift to locker one representing a jersey adorned with the same number,, and things make a little more sense to Hinata.

“Oh…”

“Yeah… It makes sense though, of course. Not good enough for my team, and not nearly enough for my soulmate.” Suga’s voice sounds distant, an underlying question of  _ whywhywhy _ hanging to his words.

Hinata places his hand over the one lying on his shoulder and squeezes. A simple comfort that can’t begin to unravel the hurt. But a simple comfort nonetheless.

It seems to snap Suga out of his own thoughts as he looks to Hinata and tries for a smile.

“It’s okay. I’ll be his second in command as long as he needs me.” 

_ I will live, not because of my love for her, but in spite of it. _

Hinata takes his hand, placing it over his chest and pressing hard, as if he could reach in and take away his traitorous heart, and with it the pain that came with loving. 

“It… it  _ hurts _ .” anything he felt before, the anger, the hurt. It gives away to a hollow ache in his bones. 

“It’ll get better.” Suga says, voice small and strong.

"When did this stop for you? This- This sting. How do I get rid of it?I just don't want to  _ hurt  _ anymore" 

The silence stretches before Suga speaks again, turning to look at the wall opposite them.

"It’ll get better."

It's no longer Hinata he is trying to convince.

Hinata turns and wraps his arms around Suga, the angle is awkward and both their shirts are getting wet with silent tears.

They’re two halves of a soulmate. Two people with so much love to give and a person who can never receive it the way they’re supposed to. It should feel hopeless and desperate.

But as Suga pulls Hinata in a little tighter, Hinata figures that maybe love can be shared in more ways than one.

**Author's Note:**

> I hurt my own feelings writing this lol


End file.
